I Believe in Me more than I ever have before, and I have gratitude for who I am. I have gratitude for the person I have become as a result of my life experiences and the lessons, pain and challenges I have gone through. Without them I wouldn’t have experienced the truth and knowledge of who I am, and I wouldn’t have the gratitude for that truth. Don’t get me wrong though, the journey isn’t over, I haven’t ‘arrived’ at my destination of truth and authenticity and there are still areas that need work, but I’m grateful that I know Me so much better and am willing to do what it takes to be the truest version of myself.

I have remembered behaviours and situations from my earlier life when I was less aware of who I am, and they’re memories that have often surprised me.

Recently, I remembered a time, over 25 years ago, when I was at a dinner party with a group of women and we were drinking lovely red wine, eating yummy food and having great conversation. Well that’s what I thought at the time. As I started trying to recall the details of the party and I began to see myself and my actions and how I was behaving at that party, I realised I wasn’t having a fun, interactive and enjoyable time.

Far from it. I was pretty much walking around from room to room, with a glass of red wine and I’m sure quite stained red lips from too much red wine. I was wandering from room to room not really knowing who to talk to or what to talk about. I remembered I was feeling quite uncomfortable, and the more wine I drank the less uncomfortable I felt. But of course the more numb I became, too.

I know I was behaving in this way, wandering from room to room, because I had no idea how to be myself, and that’s because I didn’t know who I was, I had no idea.

I didn’t know me and I didn’t believe in me. 

It’s strange for me to recall that memory and truly unstitch ‘how I was’ in that environment. At a dinner party or gathering now – right in this moment of my life – I’m quite comfortable to wander around the rooms of the party but not because I don’t know what to do or who to talk to or how to talk, but because I’m happy to wander from room to room and wonder who I’ll meet up with or ‘bang’ into. I’m happy to be me, to be vulnerable, to be authentic and my true self. I want people to know me; I want to know people – authentic people. I want to feel exposed and vulnerable and aware of who I am. This is how I grow and become more true to myself.

Incredibly though, there are still moments when I realise that I still have work to do. It’s not an easy process to truly look at what you don’t like or you’re afraid of about yourself. You discover more of who you are and with that comes the truth of how you feel about yourself, including the good the bad and the ugly!

The process of uncovering ourselves and truly being authentic requires a few basic steps and a concept that has worked well for me, so far.

START WITH WHAT YOU BELIEVE ABOUT YOURSELF

Take a look at the things you hold to be true about yourself. Do this by completing the following sentences:

  • I am a person who …………
  • The world is a place that …………
  • Relationships are …………
  • Money is …………
  • Love is ……………
  • Life is ………….
  • Work is …………..

AWARENESS OF YOUR BELIEFS

As we go through the world, information around us, passes through an internal filter that either deletes, distorts, or generalizes what we perceive. This has positive and negative consequences. Since we’re hardwired to feel safe, we unconsciously try our best to eliminate any information that challenges the safety of certainty. This is true even when (and especially when) our beliefs are negative.

For example, when I didn’t know me or believe in me, I only saw the negative things people would do or I would do. I was only attracted to people who interacted in an unfeeling and false way. People who weren’t being authentic, who drank too much, who talked about anything but who they really were. And when someone authentic came in to my life, I’d act in a way that ensured my belief about myself was supported and ‘proven’.

I’d act aloof around them and be distant; I would push them away to maintain my un-authentic and un-truthful ways. I would sabotage the situation because I didn’t want them to get too close. I’d eliminate the authentic person from my life.

To change our un-serving behaviours and thinking, one must look at how their beliefs play out from thought to reality, from start to finish.

OWN YOUR LIFE

Accept responsibility for the way your life is. This is usually the part no one likes to hear. To be clear, this does not mean you should blame yourself. Accepting responsibility is THE MOST empowering step because it allows you to take charge of your life.

When we avoid responsibility, we repeat our mistakes over and over again. Nothing changes until we have the awareness to learn from it. Personally, I’d rather make new mistakes rather than repeat the old ones.

CHOOSE YOU

This is where the magic happens. Once you watch your process with awareness (from belief to outcome) you have the power of choice. True awareness makes it nearly impossible to continue behaviors that don’t serve you. Awareness creates vulnerability. And with vulnerability comes change and personal growth. As you begin to grow and change, your beliefs about what you deserve and what kind of life is possible become more real and aligned with your authentic self.

GENTLY, GENTLY

I urge you be kind and gentle with yourself as you go through this process and to acknowledge that this is not a quick fix. It won’t happen overnight, change has a process it must go through and the spaces in between the steps you are making are just as important as the process itself.

Rushing change, will only slow you down. It’s hard to change behaviours and beliefs that have been developed over years, if not decades.

Take care of yourself and enjoy the journey.

 

Lifecoachtasman.co.nz

For more information about how a Life Coach can help you transform your life or move you beyond what is holding you back from the life you want, please click on the link above to go to my Website.

 

Love and light

Nicole

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