What defines us

I seriously considered writing a New Year Blog but couldn’t motivate or bring myself to do it. I had set a goal to write my blogs on more or less the same day of the month – every month, but the day came and went and so did my goal.

And that’s when I realised why I hadn’t achieved my goal.

I’d set myself a goal when the truth be known I don’t actually believe in goals.

In my Life Coaching business I ask client’s what they want to change and how they want their life to be, and in the past I have asked them what their goals are. But I don’t ask that question anymore, what I do ask is what do you want to change.

Which brings me to the topic of this blog and the reason it’s not written on the day I’d planned to. This blog is written today because I want to change the way I write my blog, so that it’s relevant and matters and makes a difference in my life and to those who are reading it.

A goal to write my blog once a month on a certain day doesn’t mean anything to me, it doesn’t change my life or those who read it, unless the blog is useful and relevant.

So my problem is solved and I can say that I don’t set goals, instead I change what is not serving me in my life, what is not working or making my life better.

So, the first change for 2016 for me is to write a Blog when I have something to say.

Today I am saying don’t set goals – make changes.

Making changes will inevitably get you to a goal, no matter what. The advantage, in my opinion of not setting a goal – that can be rigid and unforgiving – is to make a change every day to a habit that is not serving you.

For example, if you eat cake everyday after dinner and you’d like to lose some weight, then the obvious thing to do is take action and change – change the habit. Be brave and courageous and honest and admit that you’re most likely going to lose some weight if you change the habit of eating cake everyday after dinner as a treat, or put on more weight if you continue eating cake.

You don’t have to go without, you can change the habit for a better habit. Remove the cake from the serving plate and put a fresh fruit salad on it instead. The fresh fruit salad can be luscious and yummy and tasty and good for you.

Reduce the struggle, get rid of the guilt and take action.

What about the habit of drinking alcohol, your ‘goal’ might be to stop drinking or reducing your intake. Rather than set a goal, change – change the habit.

A few years ago I had a habit of coming home after work every day focussed on having a glass of wine to unwind. That habit was a big habit in my life and I wasn’t willing to give it up, for the all the reasons I could fathom up. I believed it was serving me, it was helping me unwind – I deserved it, I work hard … etc, etc, etc.

Once I became brave, courageous and honest I was able to admit that the habit wasn’t good for my body, my liver, my stomach or my waistline.

I finally admitted that the habit needed to change, I had to be brave and courageous and make a decision to take the step and come up with a plan to change the habit.

So, I replaced my glass of wine with a glass of sparkling water in a wine glass mixed with a low sugar raspberry and rhubard concentrate and a slice of lemon. It was sweet enough, fizzy enough and in a wine glass. A subtle change that didn’t feel like too much of struggle or punishment. I did this every second day for 66 days.

I read somewhere that 66 days is the magic number to change a habit, start a habit or delete a habit.

After 66 days, I changed my habit from drinking sparkling water every second day to every weekday.

Saturday was my wine day and believe it or not I didn’t hang out for it, I was almost complacent about Wine Day when it arrived.

Three years later and I seldom drink now, and I’ve lost 10 kgs. Not only have I changed my un-serving habit, I have also gained from not drinking alcohol a huge amount of confidence in my ability to change my habits. I know if I want to change a habit that is not serving me I have the experience and the blueprint to do it now.

So, no goal setting for me, just change making.

66 days is all it takes and a bit of bravery, courage and honesty with yourself to change a habit.

If you’ve enjoyed reading about how to Not set Goals and want to take action towards a life more fulfilling life then follow the link to my website lifecoachtasman.co.nz to find the inspiration that will help you towards your better life.


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