Trust that I can make great decisions

Usually the way we interpret our experiences – either as negative or positive – determines the way those experiences influence our future.

In particular, if we interpret a past experience negatively, undoubtedly that experience becomes part of our decision making in the future, as does a positive experience.

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The problem is that if the past experience was negative then we’re likely to expect a similar negative experience in the future.

For example, if we bake a cake and it doesn’t turn out the way we want and the responses from those around us are negative, it’s likely that our future cake making experiences will be subtly influenced negatively, due to our past experience.

A phrase I really like that helps me to combat past negative experiences is “Trust, that I can make great decisions!”.

A gimmick in a sense

How this helps me is it kind of rewires my brain, it’s a gimmick in a sense. The phrase forces my brain to think about any experience as only having one possible outcome. That outcome is positive, successful and pre-determined. It’s a phrase that forces me to believe that I have fantastic decision making skills and that I can trust in my decision making skills.

By feeling and thinking that I can trust myself:

  • My self-esteem is increased
  • My belief in myself is bolstered
  • My love for myself is strengthened
  • My confidence is grown
  • My relationship with myself is stronger and more reliable
  • My relationships are functional

In fact it’s the exact type of relationship I not only want with myself, but also with every one and everything around me. It’s the relationship that serves me. It is a relationship that is based on trust.

And when a relationship is based on trust, either with ourselves or with those around us, then we know that the outcomes of those relationships will be based on great decisions, which are positive and successful.

Recently one of my clients, let’s call her “Sarah”, and I were working consistently and intensely in one of our coaching sessions on the subject of why ‘Sarah’ was still struggling with one very unhelpful limiting belief.

Her belief was “I can’t succeed at this without help, I can’t do it by myself.” Many negative experiences in her past have tainted Sarah’s thinking about her ability to successfully achieve her goals. Although Sarah had achieved goals in the past, she didn’t believe she could achieve goals without someone else helping her.

She had success if she had help but felt that she would fail if she had to attempt her goals by herself. Her goal was to live a healthier life by nourishing her body, not only physically but also emotionally.

Ultimately Sarah’s goal was to lose weight, eat well, get physically healthier and therefore enjoy her life more by not being exhausted, stressed, overweight and depressed. Sarah had successfully lost weight in the past and achieved her fitness goals, however the problem of how Sarah felt about herself, and her limiting belief that she could not achieve her goals successfully without someone helping her, meant she had little success maintaining her weight and keeping to her fitness regime once the support person/organization was removed.

The challenge Sarah faced was to practice and apply the phrase, “Trust that I can make good decisions”. Sarah had made great decisions in the past, however Sarah believed they were only great because she had people and systems supporting her with her goals. The challenge for Sarah was to apply the phrase, “Trust that I can make great decisions”. Sarah has all the experience, wisdom, knowledge and intuition to make great decisions about her self.

Believing you are capable of making great decisions is the turning point. Sarah is now well in to her weight loss and fitness regime and regularly practices the phrase “Trust that I can make Great decisions”. Sarah’s turning point was realizing her own capacity and ability and that she has the tools to make the great decisions that will help her achieve the goals and life she wants. And that she can make those decisions by herself.

Having a trusting relationship with oneself. Relying on our intuition, our experience, and our capabilities. We have the tools to make great decisions and when we trust ourselves to do this, then there are no limits. We don’t require the validation or approval of others. We are the validators; we are the approvers of ourselves.

LifecoachTasman.co.nz

For more information about how a Life Coach can help you transform your life or move you beyond what is holding you back from the life you want, please click on the link above to go to my Website.

Love and light

Nicole

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How to increase confidence

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It’s a complex thing … being ‘okay’ with oneself.  With constant messaging from external sources and our regular re-evaluation of our internal messaging.

To be confident means to be You and to believe who You are.

However, to be You and to believe in You means you actually have to get to know who You are.  And for some of us, it’s a difficult process getting to know who You are.

Knowing who You are requires honesty, self awareness, courage, willingness and some pain.

Being honest is about truly interpreting who You are, and questioning actions and motives around thinking and behaviours. Knowing why we are behaving the way we are, especially if it appears to end in an unserving way.

Self awareness follows on naturally when we question our behaviours and actions and begin to notice patterns that are unserving and decreasing our confidence. Patterns that are limiting our potential and holding us back from a more fullfilling and joyful life. Limiting thinking and behaviours that may have established themselves early in our life and may have been useful then, but are destructive and unserving now.

Being courageous and willing to discover the truth of who You are through honesty with oneself and awareness. Courage and willingness go hand in hand to developing your confidence as You begin to know more about what you’re capable of and your capacity to tackle the difficult and stubborn limiting thinking which is holding you back from your potential happiness.

My own experiences of being honest, self aware, courageous and willing have built my confidence immeasurably. As a young woman, I experienced very low self esteem and confidence and my limiting beliefs had me convinced I wasn’t good enough.

I am good enough – I am a wonderful, kind, caring and confident woman. I love my life and my life serves me.

On a daily basis I interact with and influence other women and men to encourage them to trust in their ability to become the confident and joyful person they desire to be. To believe they can have the life they long for.

LifecoachTasman.co.nz

For more information about how a Life Coach can help you transform your life or move you beyond what is holding you back from the life you want, please click on the link above to go to my Website.

Love and light

Nicole

What Matters?


An opportunity to reconnect with ourselves, quietly.OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

I love this photo. It’s a simple but accurate reflection of what can be one of the most valuable aspects of our life, solitude.

A lone man and his wee boat on a sunny afternoon, likely after an enjoyable row on the ocean passing time in solitude.

A life coaching session today, with my client, poignantly reminded me of the value of solitude. Being by oneself without distraction or demands. I’m not referring to being lonely or depriving oneself of company but more I’m talking about the need to recognise when solitude is necessary, for re-energising ourselves and giving ourselves the space and time to use and to do with as we please.

An opportunity to reconnect with ourselves, quietly. Without meeting other’s needs or wants, and taking time for ourselves, we are more easily able to ‘connect’ with our needs and with what is actually important to us and what matters to us.

Often in my Life Coaching practice, clients are asked “What is important and what matters to you?”. More often than not an answer is not forthcoming. This is not unexpected and is actually the purpose of the question. It’s a question I, myself, had trouble with when first asked it.

Figuring out what’s important to you is a lot more challenging than would be expected. In order to have the best life – the question of What Matters needs to be answered. Because what matters is directly linked to our core values and needs, and if they’re being met and respected then we can have our best life and reach our potential self, enjoying happiness and fullfillment.

So, where to start? Brainstorming ideas about what your values may be, is a good place to start. Values can include: integrity; order; learning; love and family; laughter; relationships; etc. Once you’ve brainstormed and then circled the words that resonate the most with you, you’re on your way to identifying What Matters.

If you wish to pursue further your values and how they affect your life and how to be true to them, a Life Coach would help you put this concept in to practice. A Life Coach helps you identify what matters to you and helps you know which values are actually yours and which values are other peoples and societies, which you “think” and have believed are yours, but actually – are not!

It’s easy to confuse societies values and societies ‘conditioning’ of what ‘should’ matter to you.

For example, you may value learning, however, after working with a Life Coach for a period of time, you may discover and realise that the value of learning is actually your family’s value. You may discover that over time you have adopted the Family’s Value for learning, and ‘felt’ that it didn’t quite fit you, however it’s challenging to identify your own values, and what matters to you.

It can be easy to continue living by your current values (after all, you’ve managed this long – right?!), but eventually, if they’re not your ‘real’ values and they don’t actually fit you that well, they will become uncomfortable over time and look and feel odd, from the inside out.

So, if being on the ocean rowing a boat in solitude is what matters and is meeting a core value, or if learning is not your core value and perhaps freedom is, then happiness can ensue and one can become more of their truest and potential self.

Today, my client discovered that solitude is a core value, and it is What Matters to her.

We celebrated with giggles and clapping, it was a beautiful, joyous moment of reconnection and self love!

LifecoachTasman.co.nz

For more information about how a Life Coach can help you transform your life or move you beyond what is holding you back from the life you want, please click on the link above to go to my Website.

Love and light

Nicole

How does one live their passion?

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA“I do believe everyone can make a living from his or her passion.” Phillip McKernan.

Someone once asked me what my passion was. I answered immediately, without any hesitation, and said I didn’t know.

How to discover what your passion is requires a few techniques, and for myself, it requires a lot of honesty. Our world ‘frames up’ for us the work we can do, and within that framework of occupations we as individuals attempt to fit and squeeze our passion into an occupation which provides us with income and more importantly a sense of purpose.

Recently I read a sentence from Phillip McKernan’s ebook, Rich on paper, poor on life, which summed up sufficiently how to know what your passion is. He says, “If it’s a passion you will do it for free. Money comes by following your passion.”.

I believe and fully embrace what Phillip McKernan is stating. And am proud to say that I am following my passion and would do what I do for free, and the money is following. My passion is and always has been to connect with others and share stories. My passion encompasses empathy and understanding and being honest about our humanness.

By being honest (authentic) with ourselves and others, the connecting with others is more pure and joyful.

What is your passion?

What would you do for free?

And, how willing are you to be honest with yourself, and look outside the occupational framework and begin with a small but courageous first step to discovering your potential and your new occupation.

An occupation designed by you for you and for those who will benefit from your work.

Our passion is always, no matter what about us as a species, developing and progressing ourselves to our truest and most purest self.

LifecoachTasman.co.nz

For more information about how a Life Coach can help you transform your life or move you beyond what is holding you back from the life you want, please click on the link above to go to my Website.

Love and light

Nicole

On the journey to where …. ????

A moment to be within the moment.
A moment to be within the moment.

” … for a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one.”

(SOUZA)

LifecoachTasman.co.nz

Click the link above if you’d like to more about how to be happier and live the life you can truly enjoy.

 

Love and light

 

Nicole

The search for happiness, a true story.

What defines us

Today I am writing this because I have a story to tell. How I will tell the story will depend on how you respond to it.

My story starts at the beginning. As all stories do. As much as I’d like to start at and reflect on the troublesome and challenging childhood I experienced, I think not for this first chapter. Instead, I’ll reflect on my life, my story right now, as it is today, in this moment.

In this moment, as I sit at my computer desk, the weather is calm and peaceful. I note, while I sit in the moment, using all my learned techniques of being here – right now, that it just may rain.

In this moment, I notice my heart beating, it beats to keep me alive. I thank it with a smile and appreciation. Such a marvel, that my heart beats and I have no control over its beating or the rhythm it chooses.

In the moment, as we mostly know, is all we really have that’s real. We cannot “be” in the future or in the past, we can only imagine or remember those places and times. Being in the moment, I read somewhere (more than once), is when you are truly happy. I read, “… be in the moment, pause and be there. When you’re there ask yourself, How do I feel? Don’t think it just feel it.” I’m not sure where I read the moment instructions, but they affected me. I want to be happy and I’m tired of looking for it. Being in the moment did bring me happiness while I was there, and peacefulness. When I asked myself, How do I feel? I felt nice and relaxed and happy. 🙂

This story is the first chapter in the story of my search for happiness, and the journey I’ve followed finding, what I thought was happiness but wasn’t. And then finding it again and then losing it, then realising I had it all the time.

The story of finding happiness continues and although I may think I have found it, maybe I haven’t?

LifecoachTasman.co.nz

For more information about how a Life Coach can help you transform your life or move you beyond what is holding you back from the life you want, please click on the link above to go to my Website.

Love and light

Nicole