Usually the way we interpret our experiences – either as negative or positive – determines the way those experiences influence our future.
In particular, if we interpret a past experience negatively, undoubtedly that experience becomes part of our decision making in the future, as does a positive experience.
The problem is that if the past experience was negative then we’re likely to expect a similar negative experience in the future.
For example, if we bake a cake and it doesn’t turn out the way we want and the responses from those around us are negative, it’s likely that our future cake making experiences will be subtly influenced negatively, due to our past experience.
A phrase I really like that helps me to combat past negative experiences is “Trust, that I can make great decisions!”.
A gimmick in a sense
How this helps me is it kind of rewires my brain, it’s a gimmick in a sense. The phrase forces my brain to think about any experience as only having one possible outcome. That outcome is positive, successful and pre-determined. It’s a phrase that forces me to believe that I have fantastic decision making skills and that I can trust in my decision making skills.
By feeling and thinking that I can trust myself:
- My self-esteem is increased
- My belief in myself is bolstered
- My love for myself is strengthened
- My confidence is grown
- My relationship with myself is stronger and more reliable
- My relationships are functional
In fact it’s the exact type of relationship I not only want with myself, but also with every one and everything around me. It’s the relationship that serves me. It is a relationship that is based on trust.
And when a relationship is based on trust, either with ourselves or with those around us, then we know that the outcomes of those relationships will be based on great decisions, which are positive and successful.
Recently one of my clients, let’s call her “Sarah”, and I were working consistently and intensely in one of our coaching sessions on the subject of why ‘Sarah’ was still struggling with one very unhelpful limiting belief.
Her belief was “I can’t succeed at this without help, I can’t do it by myself.” Many negative experiences in her past have tainted Sarah’s thinking about her ability to successfully achieve her goals. Although Sarah had achieved goals in the past, she didn’t believe she could achieve goals without someone else helping her.
She had success if she had help but felt that she would fail if she had to attempt her goals by herself. Her goal was to live a healthier life by nourishing her body, not only physically but also emotionally.
Ultimately Sarah’s goal was to lose weight, eat well, get physically healthier and therefore enjoy her life more by not being exhausted, stressed, overweight and depressed. Sarah had successfully lost weight in the past and achieved her fitness goals, however the problem of how Sarah felt about herself, and her limiting belief that she could not achieve her goals successfully without someone helping her, meant she had little success maintaining her weight and keeping to her fitness regime once the support person/organization was removed.
The challenge Sarah faced was to practice and apply the phrase, “Trust that I can make good decisions”. Sarah had made great decisions in the past, however Sarah believed they were only great because she had people and systems supporting her with her goals. The challenge for Sarah was to apply the phrase, “Trust that I can make great decisions”. Sarah has all the experience, wisdom, knowledge and intuition to make great decisions about her self.
Believing you are capable of making great decisions is the turning point. Sarah is now well in to her weight loss and fitness regime and regularly practices the phrase “Trust that I can make Great decisions”. Sarah’s turning point was realizing her own capacity and ability and that she has the tools to make the great decisions that will help her achieve the goals and life she wants. And that she can make those decisions by herself.
Having a trusting relationship with oneself. Relying on our intuition, our experience, and our capabilities. We have the tools to make great decisions and when we trust ourselves to do this, then there are no limits. We don’t require the validation or approval of others. We are the validators; we are the approvers of ourselves.
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Love and light